Post 1 of about 100 blogs I need to catch up on... :P

Talk about falling behind on blogging! I had a feeling I wouldn't do so well with this. I'm a procrastinator, so for me to be a regular blogger.... Just doesn't seem ideal. :P I think about it a lot though. Does that count for something? ;) So, much has gone on since my last blog. I need to break them up into individual blogs. I have so many pictures, from all the events that has gone on. But, blogspot to me isn't too user friendly. Haven't figured out how to really post them, with each post.  So, if someone can help me with that... Send me a little shout out! Pretty please. ;)
So, in a previous post I had mentioned we were in the process of getting our oldest son, Justin diagnosed with Autism. After numerous appointments, with different specialists, and lots of money later... We have it confirmed. Our sweet boy does have Autism. My first initial reaction wasn't shocked. I knew something was up, and had suspected it being something along these lines. I was however, a little shocked in the severity, along with the few other things he was diagnosed with. This has by far been one of the most emotional, and draining processes we've been through. Just to get him diagnosed, took so much work. The process caused the heartache, and frustration. Not the fact that our child was diagnosed with Autism. Of course my heart had sadness at first, because of the many challenges he will face in his life. All the therapies he will endure, the future jerk bullies that will pick on him, simply because he is different from them, and the list goes on. No parent wants their child to suffer, and we aren't any different.
Words can't express the amount of guilt I went through with this... All the day to day things that I would get frustrated with, because him not doing what he was told properly, etc.. Thinking things weren't getting done out of laziness, and lack of care. Even grounding him for things, that I now know he really "just didn't get it!" Ugh, the hurt my heart feels looking back. If I had only known...
I can't live with all those shoulda, coulda, woulda, moments. All I can do is buck up, and educate myself as much as possible, in ways to be the best mother I can to him. Find ways to understand my child. It hurts so bad, knowing he has so much to say, and he can't just come out and express what that is. I can only imagine how his sweet brain is so over loaded, with so much. His mind running at about 200 MPH, and not knowing how to slow it down. These are the things we need to learn, and get help with. It will be a constant growing, and learning process for us all.
I never really realized just how much of an impatient person I was... This has tested my patience in ways it never had been. For that I am grateful. I have learned to slow down, take deep breaths, and take the time to figure out every situation around me. This is something I need to do, if I'm going to be a good parent, wife, and all around better person.
Now that we have the diagnosis, we have to work on getting state help for him. With the amount of therapy he needs, and with the high amount of co pays we would need to pay, would put us in the severe poor house. We pray that we can get this secondary insurance by the state, so they can pick up the copay at least. That way our boy can have the help he needs, to the fullest. Arranging the appointment with the "DD" (place to get benefits) is our next big step. Wish us luck!
I'm excited, and hopeful for Justin in this next school year. Last year was completely horrible for him, and he went backwards the whole year. Kids were just awful to him, he was in a regular classroom setting, with no acknowledgement for his disabilities, etc. It's was just a horrible year for him, that we are glad to move forward from.
His school is one of the few in Mesa, that are doing a new program there. One that educates the teachers, and students, on how to treat, and accept people with special needs... This should lower the bully rate, and help everyone to get along better, and not single anyone out. They have had great success with it in others areas, and are hopeful for success within their school as well.
He will be placed in a class, where his teacher is educated in not just general education, but with Autism as well. I couldn't be more thrilled. Justin will also be taken from the classroom daily, to get special help in subjects he struggles with. They will also give him Speech Therapy, and Occupational Therapy. These two things are very vital for him to have, to get on the right track of learning better. He's pretty far behind, and has a long way to go. He should be going into 6th grade, but will be starting 5th, and he's on about a 2nd grade level with things.
The doctor that diagnosed him is really educated in Autism, and has been specializing in diagnosis in this for over 33 years. She mentioned that she didn't believe Justin would ever get on that so-called "normal" level, but couldn't say he wouldn't for sure... Because, things do happen. What is normal anyways? ;) Words can't express my love for this child. To think I wasn't even a mother to him 2 1/2 years ago, is just weird to me. I feel like I've been Mom all along, and am so grateful my husband came into my life with "our" two sweet boys. I don't know how I got so lucky with them! But, I sure won't question it. :D
When this all started, the beginning of getting Justin diagnosed, etc.. I was completely overwhelmed, somewhat a lost feeling, and searching for knowledge, and figuring out how to feel about it all. I have some really great people in my life, and very informative people on top of that. Some that I've never even physically met, but has been true, and sincere friends, via Internet. I'm so thankful for them... You guys know who you are! I'll never thank you enough. One of those friends specializes in helping children with special needs, and getting them the help they need, etc.. Especially, Autistic ones. When I was feeling at my lowest with this all, searching for answers.. He shared the most moving story that someone had written about their situation such as ours. It moved me so much, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. It left me sobbing, and my heart full. I want to share that story with you.


I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved


-I love this so much... What a beautiful analogy!! It's weird because, my number one dream vacation has always been Italy. After reading this I thought, "well maybe I should check out Holland." ;)
I won't waste my time in asking "why?" Or waste my time asking "how?" Instead, I will spend my time learning, accepting, and appreciating the fact that God trusted me enough, to be a Mom... To a fantastic work of art, that I'm ever so lucky... To call my son.

Turns out... I'm not very good at this! New goal:Try harder! ;)

So, already I haven't been a regular blogger. It's hard to catch the hang of new things... My sister already gave me a hard time about it! So, I will work harder at it. :) Life is just so busy, that when I get the chance to relax... I just want to relax! But, at the same time I find myself  "relaxed" while blogging. I sound like a mess. HA!

ANYWAYS, life is busy as always. Had my 29th Birthday. The older you get, the more Birthdays seem like just another day. Which I'm completely okay with. :) I've never been a big fan of Birthdays. I don't know why, but I've never anxiously waited for the day, like a lot of people I know, plan a big party, etc. I don't have an answer on why, but it's just how I am. I did feel a little extra special though. Getting together with 2 of my best friends, Heather & Caleb the night of my Birthday. Went out for Sushi, which is one of my favorite things to eat. Each of them gave me gifts that I loved, and I always enjoy their company. Brian, and my boys did the grocery shopping for me (which is HUGE. I HATE grocery shopping.) When they came home, my kids ran in turning all the lights out, big exciting grins on their faces. Then my husband walked in with a cake, all lit with candles. They sang to me, and it was about as cute gets. My kids get so excited to do stuff like that. Justin can barely compose himself, when he's part of surprises. He LOVES them. :) They gave me sweet cards, that had cherished words written with love. I'm so in love with my little family. <3
Couple days later, my in laws took us out for my Birthday. Went to dinner, and back to their place to hang out. Where they had a cake for me as well! They gave me a sweet card, and money. Who doesn't love money for a gift, right? They're the best, and I always enjoy our time with them. I'm thankful to have such great in laws!
THEN, the following night we celebrated at my parents house! That is where my 3rd, and final cake of this years Birthday took place. ;) 3 cakes!! A 4 day, drawn out, lots of food, lots of cake, celebration. :) Kinda funny to have for a person that doesn't care about celebrating them. Ha! Maybe, I'm too stubborn, and people are trying to show me to just CELEBRATE my birth. OKAY, you win people!! ;)
I'm so grateful for all the family in friends in my life. They sure know how to make a girl feel special, and loved. What more could I ask for?

My "baby" Kyle is turning 8 in a week!!! So, sad.. Where does the time go? I can't believe he's going to be that old. He's so excited, even more excited about getting to finally go to scouts like the big boys, and be baptized.
We planned his baptism for May 28th, because that's when the Stake Baptism day is. Anyways, although I'm sad my baby is going to officially be a "big boy," I'm excited for his excitement, and for him to become a member of our church. Hopefully, one day... We can have a baby, so I don't feel so old. :) Oh, the heartache!


With the death of Bin Laden, it sure has brought a lot more craziness to the world. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they finally caught him, and justice is being served. I know the Lord is judging him right!!
It's quite the controversial subject, that's for sure. Like a lot of people, it leaves me with a unsettled feeling. The unknown feeling that he possibly is still alive. However, whether he's dead or alive, I don't think our Country will get any better. I can't help but think, and believe, it's only going to get worse from here. I suppose it is all part of the plan. Makes me feel that the end of the world isn't too far off. Something I'm not afraid of happening! I look forward to living in "world peace!!" I'm grateful for my belief, and faith, in knowing there is a plan out there for us, and that we will return to our Heavenly Father again when it's the right time. 


Well, I guess that about sums up what's kinda on my mind right now. Other than the main thing, SAN DIEGO!! Can it just be May 30th already!!! Ahhhh. The anticipation is killing me! :) I can't wait to have our first real family vacation! I have it all planned out, and we will be kept plenty busy for the 4 days we are there. So exciting!
Anyways, it's Friday.... Here I sit blogging. Ha. Guess this is my down time! But, to be honest, this blog took me 3 DAYS to write!!! 3 days! Man, I gotta get better at this! :P Hey, at least I finished what I started. ;)
Until next time!

What has the Koester family been up too???

I would like to know as well... ;) I feel we are so busy all the time, that I don't keep track of much that goes on. Good days, bad days, happy times, sad times, and of course- the challenging times. Of course all these things are what makes our little family, perfect. Not perfectly perfect. But, perfect for our little family. I'm going to make this my new journal, so I can always have these times to look back on. Not to mention, having a good memory isn't one of my greatest traits. :-/ So, this should help keep us on track! Who knows, maybe this will be entertaining at least a few times!

Brian- aka- Husband, Father, Son, Brother, Nephew, Cousin, Uncle, and so much more! Since I'm the one writing this, I have full rights to brag about him a bit. ;) He's my rock. There isn't anyone in this world that is more compatible, to be my better half for eternity. He's so loving, kind, hard working, funny, and quite the softy. ;) That may embarrass him, but it's one of my favorite traits about this man, and I couldn't help fall in love with that, along with the rest of him. He's the Peanut Butter to my Jelly. <3 Okay, so on to what's new with him!!
Brian is turning 35 this year, on Aug. 1st. He works for Maricopa County, in the IT department. He's the Senior Lead, works hard, and does well at his job.I just can't get enough of him, and am thankful I'm not tired of him. ;) He has such a beautiful voice, and I love hearing him sing. It's a talent of his that he doesn't share enough with people!! But, I'm grateful I at least get to hear it. ;) He gets together with his buddy a couple times a month, and they have their "jam session." Music is a big passion of his, as it is mine.


Heather- (Me) I'm turning 29 in a couple weeks... I don't really mind. Kinda a boring number if you ask me! I'm gonna skip it this year, and look forward to 30. Sounds, crazy right?? But, truth is.. I don't mind aging, and I look forward to growing old. :) I'm working full-time, all the time. I've been on this weight loss program for 8 weeks now, and have lost 22lbs. I'm at a platue at this point, and I'm not too excited about that!! Ready, to get rid of this weight! Patience, patience, patience... I'm not too fond of talking much about myself personally, so I get to move along from this segment! 


Justin- is our oldest. He will turn 11 the end of August. Can't believe how old he's getting!! Oh, how I love that boy. He's such a good kid, and we couldn't be more blessed to have such well behaved children. I swear we don't beat them!! They are just sweet boys! :) He makes us laugh, he's got a imagination bigger than anyone else I know, and I envy that. He's extremely creative, and a great story teller. He's very passionate about movies, and video games. He has a photographic memory, that never stops amazing me!! He has a lot of love to give, and is just an awesome kid. :)
Justin is in the process of being diagnosed with a few things... High Functioning Autism with being the main thing. The diagnosis process has been quite the challenge for us. The process is more of a challenge than he is!! We've seen 2 specialist so far. The Psychologist that is doing the diagnosing, and then yesterday he had his first Speech Therapy appointment. He did really well. :) He will see her again next week, along with a Occupational Therapist as well. After those evaluations, we will go back to the Psychologist on May 17th, for the final diagnosis. I can't wait to get to that point. I'm anxious, just so our sweet boy can get the proper attention he needs, to learn & grow more. He isn't doing well in school, and has been bullied a lot this year. Bless his heart, kids are so mean. Brian and I have had a harder time with it than Justin! He's such a trooper, and never gives up. He's always searching for friends, approval, and love. At least he will always have that at home with us. :) He's so well behaved considering, that he is a easier kid than a lot of others I know out there, without disabilities! Goes to show that a lot of love can go a long way. He's just so misunderstood, and my heart breaks that the world is too busy to have patience for him. If they only took a little time, they would see how wonderful he is. It's their loss really.  
I admit that I've had quite the struggle recently, as far as being so overwhelmed with finding the right resources for him. I just want to give him the best of everything, and I want him to grow, and succeed. I know once we get all that for him, this will be a lot easier to deal with. I'm honored to be a Mother of one of the Lords choice children. I've been so humbled the last couple of days, and am so grateful for some amazing family, and friends that have been so informative, and resourceful. You don't know how much that has helped me! It's a big weight lifted off my shoulders. Can't thank you enough.


Kyle- our baby!! He's turning 8 next month! Ahhh. I can't believe it! He;s super excited that he gets to be baptized like his daddy, and Justin did a year and a half ago. :)
He's just the sweetest child... We are so blessed with him. He has a heart of gold, and is so sensitive to everything around him. He's a great friend to many, and getting compliments about who is, never gets old. He's very active, and LOVES his brother!! He does such a good job with Justin, and helping him with everyday things that he may need help with. He does well in school, and is always eager to learn. We sure do love him a lot! 

We stay busy, and it's fun. We are going on our first real family vacation the end of May!! We are overly excited for this! We will be going to San Diego for 4 days. Staying on Mission Beach, and going to Sea World. The kiddo's have never been out of AZ, so they are so excited to see the ocean! They don't know about Sea World though. I really wanted it to be a surprise for them. :) Now, if I can only get the fear of sharks out of Justin, we will be set to go! Ha. Dang that movie Jaws!!!! For the record... I'm not the one that let them watch it. :P

We will be going camping the following weekend, for the Morris Family Reunion. The boys are just as excited to do that!! Justin, LOVES the water... When we are there, I never worry about where he is. I know he will be in that river! He would be a fish if he had the choice. :)

We are so grateful to have such a big family, with so many cousins for all of us to enjoy. I love my family, and where I came from. I look forward to the reunion every year. This year will mark 60 years that the Morris family has been getting together for a reunion on the White River. Amazing!

Well, I'm going to wrap it up for now... I think this is a rather long post for my first (real) blogging experience! 

Until next time......................... xoxo

New Beginnings

So, this whole blog thing.... It's VERY new to me. Had a hard time trying to figure it out at first!! I'm starting to get the hang of it. :) Got my background down at least. Now my goal, is to find the time to actually blog. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time, but never made the time. Guess it's that "Koester Chaos." ;) So, hop on, fasten your seat belt, and hang on! This journey we call life, can get very weird. <3